The Grateful Undead: They're So Vein

Author, Susan Stec

One's real life is so often the life that one does not lead~~Oscar Wilde

I've always been weird, even as a child—might've been influenced by all those fairies and trolls living in and around the streams behind Grandma's house. Today I live with my husband and three King Charles Spaniels on 50 acres of woods, fields, and streams in upper Michigan.

Sing a little song, suck a little blood, get dead tonight, dead tonight...

They're So Vein (volume 1):

Click the book--and shazam!--you'll find yourself on my Barnes and Noble page.

Gator Baitin' (volume 2)

Click to go to Amazon - paperback and Kindle

Blood, Sweat and Demon Tears (Volume 3)

Susan's sister is in one hell of a mess (literally); confined to servitude with the demon, Rafael. When Rafael gifts JoAnn with an Earth-to-Abyss cellphone so she can communicate with her sister, Susan soon finds out that JoAnn has gone from servitude to concubine, and no longer wishes to come home. JoAnn really loves her new Hell phone. Problem is, the frequent calls home--time really moves like Hell in the Abyss--are putting a large dent and Susan and Marcus's bedroom time. In their attempt to retrieve JoAnn, THE GRATEFUL UNDEAD team ultimately find themselves knee-deep in vamp critters, demons, rogues, and a host of new and colorful characters, when the mission takes them from their home in Florida to the streets of New Orleans.

Be careful what you pray for...

...I merely asked to live a long healthy life and hinted that I wouldn't mind starting over while keeping the knowledge I had accumulated in my 58 years. And if a better set of tits and less wrinkles were involved, I certainly wouldn't complain.

Well, I'm here to tell you, God does listen, to everything... and he's got quite a frigging sense of humor.

I'm the undead proof.

Meet the Family:
From Hags...........................

To Bitches............................

In Her Own Words:

I'm the leader of this little ragtag group we call a family. I don't want be the leader but I sure as shit am not letting these other estrogen deficient blood suckers call the shots. You got a problem with that? I'd love to hear it.

Click the picture check out the Grateful Undead Blog.

Chick

My mother, before...

...and after

Chick:
AKA, Nana

Why she won't wear underwear that isn't leather I'll never know. Since the change, she's horny and half-dressed all the time. The only problem is if she drinks blood from a guy and doesn't polish his knob at the same time, bad things happen. Bad things like... Chick's Himbo Accident.

JoAnn

I can't forget my sister, the uptight twit...

...who got me into this mess. JoAnn doesn't mean to be a pain in the ass but if Mary Poppins had an OCD sister who wished she was in an episode of Happy Days, that'd be my sister. If JoAnn had a bladder bigger than a peanut, I'd still be middle-aged and very alive. And can you believe she's still mad because I ate her poodle?

I should have eaten her!

I'm thankful for Jeni

The only one of my kids that actually has some sense and refuses to be turned into one of the undead. She's the only reasonable one in our bunch.

Chick sort of forced the fangs on JoAnn. If she had done that to Jeni, I think Jeni would have brought out the stakes and a bottle of holy water. Besides all of us get along with Jeni and that's saying something because the women in this family can't get along with a saint. Plus, without her to run the computer, we'd never be able find anything on the Internet.

She's our moral compass, such as it is, and she's never tried to run me over with her car. Although I think she's thought about it a few times.

And then there is Resi

Now unlike JoAnn and Jeni, my younger daughter Resi embraced the vampire life with great enthusiasm. As vain as she is, having a permanently tight ass and perky boobs for all eternity puts the giddy in her giddy-up.

Resi--Ah, l love Resi. My girl is loyal as hell and usually can follow direction unlike Chick and Joann. When I don't want to slap some common sense into her for being a provoking bitch, I want to hug the shit out of her. She's wicked smart, good in a fight and she pisses Dorius off. What more could I ask for?

Well to stop tongue kissing Zaire on the kitchen table would be nice. Jeni still eats there.

Supporting team members:

Zaire, is like a pit-bull in a steroid rage

Zaire--is hot in a muscle chick sort of way, I guess, and she loves Resi but the woman needs to learn to control her temper. You can't just rip the throat out of any person that bumps you in the street. Save that attitude for someone who deserves it like Christopher.

Christopher

Oh, he's the viscous little midget who bit me.

The shit

Christopher--I hesitated to list this little monster but I figure if I have to count Dorius, I have to count Christopher. Don't be fooled because he looks like he just got out of pre-school, Christopher is a horny homicidal devil. If he hadn't bit me in that public restroom, I'd still be alive. Since I'm now stuck as his pseudo boss and warden, he better learn to kiss my ass or he'll end up locked in a mausoleum in Italy for the next 100 years or so.

I guess I should mention my mate, Marcus

I didn't want him for a mate, he insisted. And he's hot. It's hard to say no when a muscled, sexy guy wants to rock your world for all eternity but I tried, oh how I tried.

Marcus--So what's my problem with having a vampire stud at my disposable day and night? Well, he's bossy. He's always trying to tell me what to do. Don't fang JoAnn. Don't stake Dorius. Don't hold Christopher's head in the toilet until the bubbles stop. Be polite, Susan. Listen Susan. Really, I'm not sure anyone's penis is worth that kind of aggravation. But I decided I don't have to stop screwing him until I figure out if I want to keep him. That's fair, right?

Lily, the day she arrived in
Blood, Sweat and Demon Tears

Lily is half demon, half vampire, wicked smart and very tricky.
I freakin' have to carry a dictionary when she's around. You know I heard somewhere that you should keep your friends close and your enemy's closer.

Gibbie

Gibbie--may only be two inches tall but he has an attitude that just about outranks Zaire's. And you just know they don't get along.

I kind of like the fairy. Well, until he opens his mouth. The little guy talks like he just took a hit off a helium balloon at a pitch that makes my eardrums ring. And he's always hovering like a hummingbird - getting right up in everyone's faces. First time my idiot sister saw him, she thought he was a bug and pulled out a can of Raid.
Boy, was that a big mistake.

Jake

Jake-- Jake-Jake-Jake, tell me, what can you say about a thirty foot purple dragon with a flatulence problem?

In Jake's defense, he does have issues with the women in my family. We make him nervous. We are a bit vocal. But hell, he doesn't have to stink up the place or shoot a five foot flame that ignites anything in its path every time one of us goes ape-shit! Which just happens to be every five minutes. We've all tried to help him overcome this issue. We even bought him some Beano and Mom refilled her prescription of Valium for him, but nothing is working so far. All I can say is, if we have to replace the headliner in Dorius's car again, it's not my fault!

Dorius thinks he's the boss of us. Bastard

Technically he should have put us all down for killing a human (Chick's Himbo Accident), or for turning most of our family, not to mention JoAnn (the bane of my existence) accidentally turning a few animals. Instead he decided to stick us with controlling Christopher and catching all the vampire animals. Dorius is the one who put us in Critter Control. Like I said, a bastard.

Lily, by the end of book 3

Lily and Christopher look a tad-bit to close and comfy together.
Still... I don't think I'll screw with Lily.

Paul

Sure Paul's eye candy, smart, with a good sense of humor but he's a damn wolf, too!

He pisses me off. He's always flirting with Jeni, and she flirts back! Ain't no way I'm gonna be paper training grandkids, so it just isn't happening! Nuff said.

Mort

And that brings us to Mort, the last member of our team, a troll who lives in the lake behind our house. Mort isn't around much, but when we have to chase vamped-out gators, Mort's the one to call.

Vampire

Critters

The Grateful Undead volume 1, 2, and 3

Available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble

Here's one I'm sure all my fellow writers will see ... on Twitpic

There's nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and open a vein~~Walter Wellesley "Red" Smith

Young adult - paranormal romances.
Watch for them on Amazon and Barnes & Noble in 2013

Dead Girls Never Shut Up (February 14 2013)

Toni's grandmother is a psychopath. Her sister, Sara is a ghost. Her boyfriend is possessed. And she has no idea who she is.

Being a teenage girl is tough enough without a summer vacation full of necromancers and ghosts. And things get worse when Toni's sister, Sara dies and instead of walking into the light, stomps directly away from it, totally pissed because she didn't die in her skinny jeans. That's when Sara finds out that a seer ghost is out to possess Toni, and Granny has a gift for talking to dead people.

Granny's not going to be the last necromancer in the family, but with the death of her promiscuous granddaughter, Sara, her only option is Toni. Sara's not having any of it; especially since the guy Granny has enlisted to help is the same guy that assisted in Sara's demise. But protecting her living twin is really complicating all Sara's ghostly fun on the other side!

Can death stop a twin? Maybe not, but Granny knows Dead Girls Never Shut Up.